TALKING TO MYSELF

(Excerpt from my memoirs)

I kept thinking how amazing it all was. In the inner realm are storehouses of literally inexhaustible creative energy flowing this way and that, pooling together, flowing apart, ever creating while being created, each energy essence unit blinking on and off at speeds so high they give the illusion of permanency in this, our physical space-time continuum. Though there are, of course, an unlimited number of others, probable ones. To them we don’t exist; to us, they don’t. We are literally everywhere. This is beyond words. We must feel it. We are here because we’re not all there. And that’s the old joke. We are there precisely by our non-existence in this other existence of ours. Figure that one out. I’m talking to myself.

Life is there because of death. Our cells know that. They die so others can live. The smallest is there because of the largest; the longest because of the shortest; black is there because of white; night because of day; the beginning because of the end; truth because of non-truth; fact because of fiction. We don’t see the whole picture. But sometimes, we feel it. We can think of ourselves in probable worlds of past and future, all at once spinning around endless suns, yet always secure in each world. Millions of Utes and millions of truths are swirling and whirling in inner space – stars within constellations – our most intense feelings and beliefs the origin of ever newer and better worlds.

As King Arthur we went round the old oak table – thick seasoned wood, carved with runes, symbol of sun for us sunny Irish, aye, land of ire, of fiery blood. Aye, Arthur, sun god and son of Uther – and father and son are one. And the table top sings through my fingertips of secrets ancient and new, and a new truth dawns. But where’s little Ute then? Uthe is youth, forever young, even in age-old wisdom. The old and the young come together in youth, forever becoming; and the truth of matter, material truth, is as protons, electrons and neutrons. It blinks on and off. We can think of ourselves as the essence of particles who, while joining others and forming gestalts, still retain their innermost self.